Thursday, 5 September 2013

"Bless me Father, for I am a future Bishop"

Creating a towering inferno effect....

Bishop Kieron Conry of Arundel and Brighton, has stated that he had difficulty in thinking of sins to confess as a small boy.

He lied, therefore, making up sins so that he would have something to reel off in the confessional.
 I am sure he is not the only boy to have done this.

The trouble is, that the Bishop was really laying the blame for such lies, on the repressive clericalism that existed before 1969 (cough).

I never had any such problem at that age; seven year old boys, in my experience, generally have access to a wide range of sinful acts ranging from theft of a tadpole to placing a drawing pin in an older sister's slipper.

And many more in between.

But, just in case there are any young future Bishops out there, here is a prompt list of some of the deadly sins that a typical seven year old Catholic boy might commit:-

1. Switching the church hall instant coffee for gravy granules

2. Emptying the contents of a firework into the thurible, for discovery at a later date

3. Standing on the edge of the cassock of a kneeling altar server (when on acolyte duties) - this does produce rather spectacular results as the kneeling server performs a backwards somersault upon getting to his feet

4. Flicking pellets at the church cat

5. Placing small dead animals in Sister Rosario's desk drawer

6. Removing the clappers from the sanctuary bells

7. Serving at Mass with your pet white mouse in your pocket

8. Placing itching powder on the collar of the MC's cassock

9. Creating a towering inferno effect when entrusted with the thurible

10. Treading on the toes of senior clergymen whilst serving, specifically, Monsignor Derek Worlock

There, Bishop Conry, that doesn't look too hard does it?

Picture: Angelus Online


  1. HaHa!Have you had experiences of these sins Richard?

  2. Only 1 to 10 Sandy.....although number 10 was an accident and not a proper sin.

  3. And, during the sermon, while sitting laterally looking across the sanctuary, trying to make the opposite lot laugh (we were quite a big and Jesuit parish).
    Believe you me there are so many ways of doing this but I'd better not go into detail.

    I hadn’t thought of the drawing pin. That’s good one. I should have done, having had four sisters!

  4. The second one sounds quite spectacular/disastrous! As for the third, I have managed almost to do that to myself without any assistance.... Don't give me ideas about drawing pins in slippers, although as none of my sisters wear or even have any slippers it isn't really a possibility... If number 6 where to happen at the Birmingham Oratory it wouldn't matter, as they have a fair few bells laying around the place!!! However I am not saying that I wouldn't like to see the look on the acolyte's face as he rang the bell and no sound came forth.

  5. You didn't really do those things surely Richard?

    7. Serving at Mass with your pet white Mass in your pocket.

    Aw. Sweet. (If you really did do that Richard, I can't imagine how you managed to pull that off without the priest noticing.)

    I wonder if boys would get up to this sort of thing nowadays? Perhaps they're all too involved in their DS's and Wii's and XBoxes.

  6. My husband and I would like to lead our children into the 'Traditional' church, ( and they know it) But,you know? I don't think we have to do very much than stand by and watch the likes of Bishop Conry lead/drive them there.
    Our eldest son heard Bishop Conry on 5 live the other day and was very unimpressed, shocked to be precise. We sat listening to our son expressing thoughts that echoed the very words I heard my father speak in the late seventies before he 'saw the light' and formed Catholic Traditionalists.

  7. Jacobi, that was a definite ploy much used, especially, I am ashamed to say, on the more solemn occasions.
    Charlie, a variation on that theme would be to loosen the clappers on some of the bells used at the Gloria at Easter, the clappers would shoot off ricocheting around the sanctuary. Of course, I never did that one.
    Damask Rose, no, I never did that but my friend did.
    Momangelica, we, too, try to lead our offspring but, the danger with Bishop Conry is that he can just as easily drive them away from the Faith altogether. I would like to know more about your Father please.