Monday, 19 August 2013

Noddy goes to the Latin Mass

With apologies to Enid Blyton (or Eonidh O'Bloightain as she is sometimes called)

"Introibo ad altare Dei" Parp, parp!

"It was a bright and sunny Sunday morning as Noddy climbed into his little yellow car and set off for Mass at St Knobbly's in the centre of Toytown.

As he drove along he waved cheerily to Mr and Mrs Tubby Bear and their son, Bruiny and then braked hard to avoid running over Bumpy Dog. "Parp, parp" went the little yellow car as Noddy tooted at Bumpy Dog, warning him to be more careful in future.

Noddy carefully parked his little car outside St Knobbly's and, just as he was about to enter the church, he was pounced upon by the two goblins, Sly and Gobbo.

"Let me go!" said the little nodding man; "Oh, please let me go!"

"Not until we have greeted you" said Sly and Gobbo in chorus; "We're the new greeters"

"But we don't have greeters at the Old Rite Mass" said Noddy.

"And, anyway, you are the Parish Artists and have nothing to do with us traditional Catholics."

"We're the new greeters" said Sly and Gobbo

"Now then, now then" said Policeman Plod, appearing as if by magic; "What's going on 'ere then?"
Mr Noddy is quite right you know, there's no need for greeters at EF Masses, traditional Catholics are far too smart for such silly pranks.
Now run along the two of you before I report you to Bishop Bumble".

Sly and Gobbo made a series of nasty faces at Noddy before running off to find their friend Stinkly, the parish liturgist, who lived in Bishop Bumble's dustbin.

"Phew" said Noddy. "Thanks PC Plod, those goblins really give me the creeps. I really can't begin to think why folk need 'greeter's to welcome them to Mass, especially when Our Lord is waiting to greet them in person".

"I know, I know", said PC Plod; "Trouble is, Noddy, people have forgotten all about worshipping the Lord properly.
I just hope that Pope Frankly will put them straight so that we can all settle down in peace once more.
Now you run along into Mass and don't forget to say a prayer for me will you?" he winked knowingly at the little nodding man who cheekily replied: "Of course not PC Plod, I always pray for sinners!"


  1. Nice one Richard! PC Plods do a difficult and often thankless job,especially dealing with the likes of Sly, Gobbo, and Stinkly, and deserve our thanks and prayers. Please can we hope for a sequel to this post?

  2. That made me laugh out loud. Thanks. E

  3. Greeters-ahhh. You said Goblins i would have perhaps said wolligogs -i am antipodean thus everything upside down!!
    In proddy days went to oen church ,one chap greeetd me wanted to know name and address and came around the next day-monday acting like my best friend. My wife went beserk .

  4. That is such a cute picture of Noddy in the yellow car. I don't mind the greeters, What I don't like is the chatting in the church before and after Mass. Can't I just have a moment of peace and quiet to settle myself and pray? Can't I contemplate the Mass that just ended? No, no, no. Chat, chat, chat.

  5. After having watched MIRANDA I now associate greeters with the couple who got married ,always talked in unison and then made a great fuss about it to each other.

  6. Thank you all. Golliwogs would make an interesting subject for a post, Gervase.
    Brian, it is so very tempting to continue on this theme. I will return to it at some stage, I would not wish to outstay Noddy's welcome.