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| Was it you who left the beachball on the altar Peppone? |
"As Don Camillo made his way to the sacristy a sudden gust of wind took his biretta from his head and playfully tossed it back towards the door of the confessional.
Inwardly he scolded the sacristan for leaving one of the
church windows open but then, upon arriving at the sanctuary, he saw that
someone (presumably entering through the open window), had left a beachball on
the altar.
“What is this nonsense Lord?” said Don Camillo.
“What do you mean?” said the figure of Christ from the
crucifix above the altar.
“It’s only a beachball, Don Camillo, it is not as if it were
a bomb or a nasty letter”
“But Lord” said Don Camillo, a beachball has no place on
your altar where, in a few minutes time, I will be placing your Body and Blood;
the altar is specifically reserve for specific objects, chalices, patens,
ciborium, altar cards and so on – even the water and wine cruets are not placed
on your altar”
The crucified Christ sighed and said: “Well, you are right,
of course, Don Camillo, but can’t we overlook this show of frivolity just this
once, I’m sure the person placing it there meant well”.
With this Don Camillo asked his leave of the Lord and went
to the sacristy to vest for Mass.
Afterwards (and not even stopping for his customary few
minutes thanksgiving at the foot of the cross), he dashed off
to the People’s Palace to confront the Mayor whom he suspected of being behind
this despicable act.
“Good morning Comrade Mayor” said Don Camillo with heavy
irony: “I assume it was one of your henchmen who violated the altar during the
night?”
“What are you talking about? Said Mayor Peppone: “Have you
been drinking grappa at this early hour?”
Don Camillo picked up a bench of some considerable
proportions and advanced on Peppone muttering through gritted teeth: “I’ll
teach you to leave a beachball on the altar of the Lord”
Mayor Peppone was perplexed: “A beachball?” he said, “Left
on the altar? Sounds more like one of the village lads playing a prank on you.
Go home Don Camillo and take a few of those blood pressure pills, then you
might be able to think a little more clearly”.
When Don Camillo returned to his church he was absolutely
astounded to find the window open yet again.
He dashed to the altar and there, to his dismay, was a
guitar and a copy of the Paul Inwood Hymnbook.
“Lord” he exclaimed to the crucified Christ: “who is
persecuting me in this fashion?”
“No one is persecuting you, Don Camillo” said Christ, “It is
me they are after and really, beachballs and guitars are much less offensive
than whips and nails..... ......although, I do draw the line at the hymnbook.”
Oh this is superb!
ReplyDeleteWonderful!
ReplyDeleteRabit (who in his spare time wrote the works of Shakespeare, most of Milton except the intrestin bits, and Bruvver Eccles blogue.)
Thank you Bro (and FrereRabit), you are most kind.
ReplyDeleteLike!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery effective at showing the contemptibility of such an act on the sacred altar of Our Lord! A few months ago, I would not have believed a Pope could act in such a irreverent way towards Our Lord.
ReplyDeleteLynda, I think you most be unfamiliar with the Don Camillo books. The Lord is clearly chastising the priest in Richard's story as indeed was often the case in the Don Camillo books. The items which the Bishop of Rome placed upon altar of Mary's shrine were gifts from the young people of Brazil. I am sure that neither the Lord nor His Mother were offended.
ReplyDeleteI am aware of the stories - and Richard clearly represents the motif (so that it is not necessary to have read the series). The point is it wasn't a mischievous, young kid who didn't know any better but the Pope, in the true story. I rather think you miss the point of the tale! If the Pope hadn't done what he did, I'm sure Richard would not have been moved to bear such literary fruit! Oh, it's ok, it wasn't "whips and nails"!!!
DeleteParepidimos - I think the Lord deserves more than a beachball.
ReplyDeleteA cheap toy, once inflated with hot air, now flopping defeatedly as the air escapes. A tawdry plastic throwaway thing, unloved and useless.
ReplyDeleteWonderfully symbolic. Just not in the way intended.