Friday, 2 December 2011

Ramblings, rather than rantings.....and lots of banning!

Fridays are good days for banning things, so here goes:

  • We Christians wish to ban all non prayer beginnings of Council or Parish Council meetings. It offends our dignity as Christians and is against our human rights as specified in Chapter 7 of the European HR Act, sub section C reference iia) (and the Almighty doesn't like it either!)

  • Keep Mike off the altar - he is a liability. Thanks to The Little Way and Puff the Magic Dragon for prodding me into this. Microphones on the altar should be banned as they magnify every slight sound (priest breathing or breaking of the Host).

  • Ban the reading of Animal's too close to the trotter in respect of
      "red hats good, laity bad"

  • Ban holding hands in Church - absolutely!                                             

     Hang on a sec......I've never held hands in church, what is going on? Oh,   
     just at the 'Our Father' and no clinging on at the Kiss of Peace...OK then but
     what will they do at Warwick Street?                                                 
     Boo hoo! Get the tissues at the ready.

  • And also please can we ban the banning of crucifixes in public places like Catholic owned cafes and bars? And also the wearing of Christian symbols?

  • Of course, it goes without saying that the ban on all things Christmas should be banned without delay. Compulsory displays of cribs in every shop window and ritual burnings of all Christmas cards featuring robins on logs or stagecoaches racing through the snow will be the order of the day.
Phew....that feels better, soon be time for a Friday night G & T - (DG)

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