Tuesday, 25 June 2013

How to impress your Bishop...

....in five easy moves:-

1. When you greet him kneel and kiss the ring on his hand - do not be put off by him trying to withdraw his hand, it's all part of what is known as 'humility etiquette'.

2. Address him as 'My Lord' (Oh, he will love you for that).
Never ever refer to him as 'Bishop' or use his Christian name in association with the word 'Bishop' as in, 'Hello there Bishop Tom'.

3. Invite him to join in the theological game known as 'Hunt the Tabernacle' (the winning phrase is: 'Why is your chair where the Tabernacle should be?' - by now he will be hysterical!

4. This one is a winner, produce a copy of The Tablet and ask him the question: 'Pope or The Tablet, which do you prefer?' If he responds 'The Tablet' you knock his mitre off and shout 'Mennini' three times. If he is not rolling on the floor convulsed with giggles or something similar then he will have passed out - remember, all 'DNR' notices must be obeyed.

5. Finally, you will win his undying affection if you fumble in your pocket muttering the words: 'Summorum Pontificum' and 'Stable Group' - do not be surprised if, overcome with affection, he grasps you around the neck with both hands....it's the new kiss of peace you know!


  1. AND, you could ask him when he is going to start campaigning for the reintroduction of the Oath Against Modernism (Tee! Hee!)

  2. Isn't it sad that this is funny?

  3. Lol! My bishop, Bp Philip Egan, doesn't fit this bill, (he is a GIANT,) but I know what you mean. very funny!

  4. I would only add that wearing a mantilla while kissing his ring produces an effect of such incredulity that he will forget to withdraw his hand in time.

  5. Jadis is right. I managed to kiss the ring of Archbishop Kelly while my head was covered. I think I left him stunned but darted away before I saw his face. My bishop is Bishop Mark Davies. He is also a giant! A truly holy and humble man who will allow you to kiss his ring. If you get the chance, look into his eyes, you will see love of God and neighbour there. A real bishop, may we see many more like him. To paraphrase "O Lord send us many holy bishops"