Do you speak Bishopese?

No? Well here is a brief selection of phrases that will help you understand the meaning of what many of our Bishops say.....

"I have established Mass in the Extraordinary Form in my Diocese in accord with Summorum Pontificum"

Meaning:
"I have one parish 68 miles from the nearest city that celebrates the EF Mass once a month (except when there is an 'r' in it)  on a Wednesday at 3.30pm"

"There is little demand for Mass in the Extraordinary Form in my Diocese"

Meaning:
 "I ignore all representations made to me"

"The teachings of the Church with regard to homosexuality are quite clear"

Meaning:
 "I am relaxed about homosexuals having the Mass framed around their spiritual needs"

"None of my priests have any desire to say the Latin Mass"

Meaning:
"Any troublemakers are dealt with by being given particularly hard and arduous roles and by being placed in far flung parishes"

"There are no traditional applicants for the priesthood"

Meaning:
"I grill them at interview stage and get rid of any with traditional leanings"

"In my Diocese we have independent Catholic Adoption organisations"

Meaning:
"I've washed my hands of the issue and now Catholic children may be fostered by homosexuals"

"I abide by the guidance of the Holy Father and the teachings of the church"

Meaning:
"The Pope does not know what goes on in my Diocese, I am the best judge of interpreting church teachings and bringing them up to date"

"I like to play golf on Thursdays"

Meaning:

"I like to play golf on Thursdays"