In fact, we are probably not so far away from having a large ticket tied to our big toe before being sent to the morgue.
But, the cry goes up, "Our parish has welcomers, lots of lay readers, Extraordinary Ministers, a vibrant parish council (is that an oxymoron?) and special services for the children on a Sunday, just what are you talking about?"
The fact is that, in England and Wales, the Church has dropped arches, poor circulation, chronic emphysema, limited vision and, it's overweight, clinically obese, in fact.
It is not quite yet dead but it does require remedial invasive surgery as well as a fitness programme to return it to full health.
To renew and re-invigorate.
Parishes that make the claim that they have a lively programme of church activities may well be telling the truth but they are missing the point, a busy and varied liturgical and social programme is fine but that is not the measure of success; it's only a partial performance indicator.
There are thousands of Catholics out there who are falling through the net and to whom, parish bible reading sessions are anathema.
And there are millions of non Catholics out there who, if presented with the average Diocesan newsletter, would move into reverse gear and put their foot hard down on the accelerator (gas) pedal.
The Church message has not changed; so why the problem?
It all has to do with focus and delivery.
Focus inasmuch that, so I believe, men and women are hungry for real meat and are not interested in a faux Anglican Church comprising of middle class citizens and delivery in terms of the means that the Church employs to reach out to its existing members and to its potential members.
We have seen the great Anglican experiment of vicars drinking half pints of beer with the lads on a Friday night and then placing their Sunday Worship programme into the hands of a few members of the laity so that liturgy is trumped by nature displays from the primary school children and the Mother's Union clog dancing performance.
That has failed and quite rightly so.
There is no substance to that just as there is no substance to most Catholic diocesan and parish activities.
Show me a parish with a blog or website that utilises the abundance of material available on the internet.
Where are the Facebook and Twitter entries?
Non existent, while parish news is carried on poorly printed and highly boring A4 sheets left at the back of the church.
Of course, access to a computer is not available to all, but it is to the masses and full use needs to be made of it.
That's the delivery side, now for the focus.
If you treat the liturgy as a form of Playschool where you patronise and obscure, then it's no wonder that the pews are empty and folk look to the 'new' evangelical faiths.
Summorum Pontificum still applies.
Reverence towards the Blessed Sacrament still applies - stop bowing and start genuflecting.
Apply some rigour to attending church on a Sunday - cut out the chattering before and after Mass. Develop useful activities for the female altar servers ( not church cleaning) and get them off the altar.
Give the Sacrament of Reconciliation sitting in an armchair facing the priest the heave ho and re-introduce the Sacrament of Penance, in a confessional, at regular times.
Reception of Holy Communion in a reverent fashion still applies (in the Roman Rite) - bring back the altar rails, allow the faithful to kneel and to receive by mouth.
Above all else, open up the windows and allow fresh air to blow through the parishes, expelling the low oxygen levels and stale air of the past 50 years of headless chicken church management.
The Gospels are there.
Renewal is still possible; but the spirit needs to be willing.
We need leaders who have spirit and vision and who are inspired by the love of Christ to place us back on track.
Pray for Archbishop Mennini that he will long continue to give us the blood transfusion we so desperately need.