Sunday, 23 February 2014

Never been to an OF Mass?

No need to worry.

In the interests of equality and evenhandedness I felt that I should follow up on yesterday's post regarding feeling at home with an EF Mass with one for those Catholics (and others) who may not have attended an OF Mass.

First and foremost, informality is the word.

Dress code? Just about anything goes. Shorts and flip flops (thongs if you are Australian) for men, skimpy tops and mini skirts, if you are female and below the age of 75.

You will feel a glow of warmth as you approach the church as there will be a gauntlet  line up of happy smiling greeters for you to run through and embrace as if they were your long lost rich relations.

Once inside feel free to stroll up the aisle stopping off here and there for a friendly chat and to catch up with the latest goss from the Bingo club.

When entering your pew you may like to give a friendly nod in the direction of the tabernacle, if you can see it, that is.
We don't get fussy about all that pi stuff like going down on one knee.

Once seated you can wait for the Mass to start and stand by to respond to the first line of the liturgy from the celebrant: "Good morning everybody"

To which the response is: "Good morning Far----verr" Note that the tone rises several octaves on the ending of "Far----verr"

Now the Mass gets under way but please stifle any yawns as you will probably miss the prayers at the foot of the altar introductory prayers, the Lord have mercy, the Epistle and the Gospel; things move at a pace in the Novus Ordo.

Now, at the Offertory, young children take the water and wine and unconsecrated hosts up to Far----verr.

Ms Grunty O'Troffe (left) with her Special Minister Auntie

Please don't expect your own children to be asked to do this as the Parish Liturgist, Ms Grunty O'Troffe, who organises most things in the parish, likes her nieces and nephews to undertake these duties.

Now we approach one of the most important and profound parts of the Mass - the kiss of peace.

At a signal given by Far----verr, clasp the person sitting next to you in a warm embrace and plant a big juicy kiss on their cheek.
Repeat for the rest of the congregation, the church cat and, even, Grunty O'Troffe if you can bear it.

Next the Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion (we just call 'em 'Ministers', much more friendly) get cracking..

Ms O'Troffe's Auntie organises the 'Ministers' who all have to be over a certain age, if you know what I mean, normally 95 years of age at least.

When  you go to receive Holy Communion, you form a straight line and hold your hand out to receive the Host from Grunty's Auntie.

Then is not the time to worry about how clean your hands are and as to whether you washed them after cleaning up after Titti-poo's little accident (you know what cats are like) - just go ahead as you know that God loves us all whether we are clean or dirty, He's not worried about personal least, I don't think He is.

There, almost done.

After Far---verr leaves the sanctuary that is the time for you to 'chillax' as our dear Prime Minister likes to say, chat to your neighbour or give a yell across the church if you see someone you know - we are nothing if not friendly.

All in all you will find it a lorra lorra fun and much less demanding than the Latiney version


  1. ROFL!! Though it is really just too true.

  2. I went to a First Communion many years ago. One chap was having a smoke on one side if the Church and a women on the other side wanted to attract the attention of her friend, so she stood on the bench and shouted "youeeeee!" I have refused point bank to go to any more OF First Communions etc. Nobody there saw anything untoward in all this. (OF short for offensive in this case)


  3. As Dick Emory would have said "You are a naughty boy,but i like you"
    I went to communion yesterday - free for all -as people talked their way up to the Sacrament. Even Anglicans are far more reverent

    1. Gervase, yes, you are right on the money. I hope to do a Dick Emery post one day.

  4. SO TRUE! But you forgot the drum, electric guitars and, as a delightful treat for our recent immigrant members, trumpets and maracas. (But maybe this is only in the US.) Do not forget the applause following any special "performance". Additionally, you may be treated to a homily by a nun or lay person - no use troubling Far--verr.

    1. Laura, I agree but where to draw the line? That is why we only attend EF Masses.

  5. My son and his family of 5 have given up going to Mass because of this dreadful version of Christian Worship.

  6. Independent - we did the same in 1989 and it lasted 15 years or so. It is important to say the old Mass at home every Sunday and Holy Day, that was the way of Catholics in the Reformation period. A 'dry Mass' as it is known. God bless.

  7. The Ordinary Form of the Mass is a valid Mass of the Church. That means that Jesus Christ is present at this Mass. No debate on the fact that there have been many abuses in this Mass, but that doesn't seem to be what you are talking about. You are just putting the Mass itself down. And as a Catholic, you are belittling the way in which Jesus Christ comes to millions of other Catholics.

    I don't think Our Lord would be pleased.

  8. Catholic in Brooklyn, only some Novus Ordo Masses are valid, in my opinion. God the Father would surely not allow His beloved Son to be the subject of mockery as evidenced at clown and teddy bear Masses. Those Masses are invalid and detrimental to spiritual growth.

    1. Are you a bishop where you can make those kind of judgments? Yes, there are some Masses in which there are obvious abuses which would put the validity of the Mass in question, such as those you mention, but in all the years I have attended the OF, I have never once come across this.

      I don't think that you, as a layman, have any right to judge the validity of a Mass. And certainly what has been done on this post is way out of line, putting down and belittling the OF just for being what it is. You may not like it, but you have no right to judge its validity or whether it is "detrimental to spiritual growth." That is a judgment for the Church to make.

      And if you don't trust the Church to make that kind of judgment, then how can you call yourself Catholic? Wouldn't that make you Protestant?

    2. Catholic in Brooklyn, Almighty God created us with free will that allows us to choose between good and bad. We are bound to make those judgements for the sake of our salvation. When you observe the ridiculous and blasphemous Masses involving clowns and dancers that are taking place, it is a straightforward choice.
      In The UK most OF Masses are banal in the extreme, you are indeed fortunate in Brooklyn to have access to reverent OF Masses.

  9. I left for good the Novus Disordo 7 years ago. I do not care if it is valid or not. A black mass is also valid. The last times I went, I did not get any spiritual fruit whatsoever. Only dryness. So , I am not going back to a rather protestant ceremony, because cannot be called rite. There is not a sequence. It is the Holy Catholic Mass for me, always the Extraordinary. I dread the ordinary.

  10. well! it's great platform to describe your comments regarding interesting topics, If i talk about this article then i think she stood on the bench and shouted "youeeeee!" I have refused point bank to go to any more OF First Communions etc. Nobody there saw anything untoward in all this. I'm really glad to find this blog. Good job done.