Smart Lad wanted for light duties as HM Ambassador to the Holy See



Britain's outgoing Ambassador to the Holy See

 Hmmm. Her Majesty's current Ambassador to the Vatican, Francis Campbell, has made a right fist of it with his (alleged)  silly comments regarding the Ordinariate and how British Catholics are likely to be subject to 'violence' from those opposed to the Holy Father's plans. What can we expect? A beating about the head with a copy of the King James Book of Prayer? A bit of waterboarding in the Baptismal font? Or, maybe, the old mafiosi custom of decapitating the presbytery cat and slipping the head into Father's bed? Oh no, not that!

Hardly a "streets running with blood" announcement, but, if he made it, it was a poor assessment of the situation.
Which brings me to the main point, our PM, Mr C, has a vacancy for the post of Ambassador to the Vatican State and I would, most humbly and obsequieously, like to put myself forward for it.
I am well qualified, I've been to Rome (once) and met with Pope Benedict (OK, he was 500 metres away and 4 stories up while I was in the throng below) but I think of it as a meeting of minds (?) I can speak a bit of the old Eytie...well, almost. What is more, I like a good cocktail and would thrive on the Ambassadorial circuit; I scrub up well (according to my wife who is coping well with her myopia) and I know the terminology inside out - Cardinal (Your Eminence), Archbishop (Your Grace) and Bishop......  well, you don't want to know that! What more could a candidate require.

What's that? You want a Church going Catholic? OK, I fit the bill there, I go to an Extraordinary form of Mass every Sund.........the door? You mean the interview is over?.........what was it I said?