Friday 16 May 2014

Ten things not to do in church

                                  Do not pray 'fisherman' fashion

When in Lourdes recently I attended Benediction only to walk out after a few minutes before the service had even started.

I have been in auction rooms and beer gardens that were far more reverential than the hubbub caused by the faithful as they turned their backs on the tabernacle and shouted to each other.

But, you see, I am unworldly in the ways of the NO Catholic.

I have dubbed them as "sushi" Catholics - they pick up what appeals to them and reject what does not. They are blind to the rich variety of Christ's offerings that are laid before them.

So, just in the very unlikely chance that any sushi Catholic is reading this, here is a list of what not to do in church:-

1. Do not turn your back on the tabernacle - the True Presence is there.

2. No applause at any time, you are not in a theatre, you are in God's house.

3. Do not speak to anyone other than in a whisper and only then if necessary.

4. When praying, keep your hands together, it's incorrect, in the Roman rite to do the "one that got away" pose.

5. On entering your pew or passing in front of the Blessed Sacrament, do not bow. Go down on one knee (and I mean go down, none of this silly curtseying bit).

6. Restrain your children, in a kindly manner; take along plenty of children's religious books but, if infants bawl, don't worry - God prefers that even to plainchant!

7. Leave your shorts, revealing tops and uber casual clothes at home; remember, you are in God's presence.

8. Do not refrain from lighting a candle, before or after Mass but do not press a button to charge an 'electric' candle abomination.

9. Certainly do not stroll up to receive Holy Communion, this is a very frightening process, you are about to receive the Body and Blood of your Creator; keep your hands together and your eyes down - and walk with a purpose.

10. Above all else, do not chew gum or eat in church; get your hands out of your pockets and do the best possible exercise, let your knees touch the floor!

Now, who am I to flag up these points?

And why, indeed, have I not mentioned that men should not wear hats at Mass but that women should keep their heads covered?

To answer the first question, I am unimportant in the scheme of things but, out of love for my fellow man, I do wish as many of them as possible to be saved - and these are some of the preliminary steps towards that process.

Secondly, as far as the hats and veils issue is concerned....this will follow on naturally if you apply the ten point plan.

34 comments:

  1. Hi Richard. Agree with all of the above except that when there's nothing to hold on to I can't get right down on my knees as they don't work that well any more. So, unfortunately, I'm obliged to "curtesy" I don't suppose I'm the only one. I can manage fine if there's something to drag myself up by. I can kneel fine too. I'm fairly certain I look quite able to genuflect to the casual observer.

    One thing I loathe and detest though is the cursory nod and it's astounding the people who do it.

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    1. Chloe, oh yes, me too. A case of don't do what I do but do what I say!

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  2. Last Sunday I noted a married 20-something woman wearing a Tasmanian Devil cartoon tee-shirt Mass.

    Sigh.

    But then, the Bishop recently Confirmed young people in a ceremony featuring guitars, rockabilly noises, and armpit-drying as in the photograph above.

    Sigh.

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    1. Mack, "armpit drying" - I love it!

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    2. hèheh, agree. absolutely no fanning the pits! in the ye old Mass, as I understand, the priest throughout keeps his hands a modest distance apart even though he has to separate them.

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  3. Well, for quite a few of us, 5 is a no-no - even a 'silly curtsey' is nigh-on impossible, and ditto the latter bit of 10. But it may surprise you to learn that none of the rest happens in the NO Mass I attend!
    Surprised you notice all of this being so deep in contemplation...
    Sue

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  4. Lucky Sue. I'm sorry to say at my parish 1,2,3 and 5 apply (that's the mean little bows); 7 when it's hot; 10 occasional gum chewing but more recently swigging bottles of water. Also sitting down straight after receiving and having a chat. Contemplation? Im.poss.ible. It's like being in airport transit lounge. Even the oragnist can't drown out the chatterers. The louder he plays, the louder they shout. Strangely, when he finishes they all get up and go.

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    1. Thanks Genty, that's my experience at every NO Mass I go to.

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    2. Actually sitting down straight after receiving Communion is Holy Mother Church's prescribed liturgical posture in the Ordinary Form. (Not chatting of course.)

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  5. Absolutely right. Couldn’t agree more!

    Oh Just one further little thing. They should not receive Holy Communion if they are in a state of mortal sin, for example if they are occasional Mass attenders, dropping in while on holiday, or they deny the need for, say, Confession, or are in any sexual relationship outside that of a valid marriage between a man and a woman, or are contraceptors or users of aborticides. I could go on!

    Oh I should have added, and have not been to Confession received absolution and have made a firm purpose of amendment never to commit mortal sin again.

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    1. Most Catholics have never been told these most fundamental truths by parents, priest or bishop. Even if they know them, there will be no affirmation given to them.

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  6. Off-topic, but thank you for putting up the beautiful posts about Catherine of Aragon and her confessor, Fr Forest. I would so like to see Catherine become a Servant of God or Blessed, so necessary for these times now. God Bless.

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  7. Rule 1 can't be applied literally, unless everyone walks out of church backwards, as people used to do when leaving the Sovereign's presence.

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    1. John, what an excellent suggestion!

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    2. Yes, it should be "Do not turn your back on the Tabernacle, except when you absolutely have to, and in that case genuflect to the Tabernacle before doing so." That was what I was taught as a kid.

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  8. A precedent of irreverence exists in most N.O. parishes that even the most devout Catholic cannot break. A few people can set the example but the are all but invisible compared to the vast majority who do all that you list above. Eventually those who try to set a good example get reprimanded by the pastor or other high level professional Catholic. Most would welcome the quiet reverence of the TLM but have either been lied to or are ignorant of the benefits.

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  9. I am an Anglican. We tend to bow rather than genuflect, and I have seen many a bow which is more reverential than an incomplete genuflection.

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    1. Fr Bauer, I am not advocating incomplete genuflections. In the Roman Catholic Church, as founded by Our Blessed Lord, the correct manner of entering one's pew or passing i front of a tabernacle containing the True Presence, is to genuflect as completely as you are able.
      It is perfectly right that you bow...the True Presence is absent from your Church. I do not mean that in any pejorative sense, just stating a fact. God bless.

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  10. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  11. Agreed totally. My body sometimes decides to not cooperate, so I'll do the eastern bow (touching the floor) when my body decides to not want to kneel.

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  12. At the NO parish I occasionally attend, No 1 is not a problem since they removed the Tabernacle to a side room and it isn't visible to anyone in the pews. Could you add flip-flops to No. 7?

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  13. I don't know who this Richard Collins is. Sounds like some self appointed ultra conservative Catholic to me. Reverence for the Blessed Sacrament should be obvious to most Catholics who believe in the real presence, but let's not try to be more "Catholic" than the teaching authority of the Church. Besides, when we receive the Holy Eucharist reverently we become living tabernacles after Mass. Hardly necessary to genuflect after Mass when you are walking out with our Lord within you.

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  14. Not self appointed Anon, just an ordinary Catholic loyal to the doctrines and teachings of Christ and the magisterium.
    But I am not afraid to use my name, perhaps you might like to pluck up courage and do the same?

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  15. Luckily we don't have too much of 1-10 at our NO Mass. I would suggest it's not the NO Mass that is the source of the irreverence, but the lack of proper catechisis in the last 50 years. If today we had only the Latin Mass and the same abysmal catechisis, I would venture to say one would still see 1-10 at Mass.

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    1. Renee, I think that the loss of good catechesis and the loss of the Latin Mass go hand in glove.
      The NO is water while the TLM is milk. God bless.

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    2. If I started on the lack of Catechesis since Vatican II I would be well occupied until the time came for me to go to my eternal rest!

      Every time our parish pauses to consider the way forward, I plead for Catholic Adult Education, and every time it gets disregarded for something considered more important .....

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  16. Every Catholic should know these 10 points by experience from infancy before they even know how to articulate them verbally.

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  17. Not everyone can genuflect (at least not without losing one's balance and falling on your buttocks!).

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    1. lajmh - if you cannot genuflect no one would expect you to. God does not want us falling on our buttocks!

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  18. Jesus said 'I am the way the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me'

    He made no comment on our actions during the celebration of Mass.

    I was taught that a profound bow is the same as genuflecting

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    1. Anon, you were taught wrongly. Scripture says that, at the mention of the holy name of "Jesus" every knee shall bend. That's pretty clear is it not?

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