In a surprise move the 86 year old chief Executive of ICI (International Cheese Industries) has announced his resignation and will leave the corporation at the end of the month.
Shareholders of the company are outraged and scandalised that their CEO is leaving, despite the fact that he has worked for more than twenty years past the commercial retirement age and has a variety of severe health conditions.
Many employees of ICI are, however, are pleased at the news on the grounds that the Chief Exec has made life distinctly uncomfortable for them by leading them back to the company's core mission statement:
"To produce the best of cheeses, faithful to original recipes".
Unbeatable. The company's original mature cheese is making a comeback
But, for the past eight years we have been told to produce our original cheese range that is high on flavour, it's called 'The Extraordinary Flavour' range.
Now, with a new CEO we are hoping we can go back to the bland methods of production that we perfected in the 1960s."
Shares in the company have slumped as the media has entered into mindless speculation as to the reasons for the CEO's departure and have missed the major issues such as the company's Succession Planning policy known as the 'Paraclete' method.
This policy was designed to be flawless and is what the company PRO describes as a 'black and white' procedure:
"Sometimes we get black smoke and sometimes we get white"
Shareholders of the company are outraged and scandalised that their CEO is leaving, despite the fact that he has worked for more than twenty years past the commercial retirement age and has a variety of severe health conditions.
Many employees of ICI are, however, are pleased at the news on the grounds that the Chief Exec has made life distinctly uncomfortable for them by leading them back to the company's core mission statement:
"To produce the best of cheeses, faithful to original recipes".
ICI's low in flavour cheese is popular with the mass market
(but not the EF Mass market)
Production Manager, Casey Conroy, complained that:
"We like producing soft, low flavour cheeses and our customers, who have lost all sense of taste, like them also. Production Manager, Casey Conroy, complained that:
But, for the past eight years we have been told to produce our original cheese range that is high on flavour, it's called 'The Extraordinary Flavour' range.
Now, with a new CEO we are hoping we can go back to the bland methods of production that we perfected in the 1960s."
Shares in the company have slumped as the media has entered into mindless speculation as to the reasons for the CEO's departure and have missed the major issues such as the company's Succession Planning policy known as the 'Paraclete' method.
This policy was designed to be flawless and is what the company PRO describes as a 'black and white' procedure:
"Sometimes we get black smoke and sometimes we get white"
Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteVery Good One.Thanks for doing good. People who do proper good really do make a difference.
ReplyDeleteAll together now:
ReplyDelete"What a friend we have in Cheeses.."
Not an apt analogy!
ReplyDeleteHunted Priest,..It made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteSo funny and clever, Its Sunday, we can laugh on Sundays in Lent.
ReplyDeleteI'm still laughing about Cheeses!
ReplyDeleteOr as Cincinnatus (sorry; it is too long):
Cincinnatus
When Cincinnatus in a desperate time
Was called to serve the undeserving state
Imperiled by the armies of the kings
And weakened by senatorial whisperings
Our conscript father laid aside the plough
Forswore retirement and his peaceful fields
Unwillingly took up the imperium
And journeyed thus to disharmonious Rome
To teach, to govern, and to sanctify
A people lost and drifting with the age
To hazard all in the forum of the world
Not for himself, not for brittle applause
Blown by the wind, noisy for a brief time
As when October’s leaves make temporal show
And then decay through winter’s cold demands
Nor for the silky smiles of ambassadors
The approval of jugglers and panderers
The cricket-voices of mummers and polls
No
But rather for the fuller at his cloth
The builder with his plans and rule and line
The seamstress working a wedding dress
The laughing child at play with her favorite doll
The sunburnt fisherman drawing his nets
The mother teaching her child his aves
The farmer treading the fruitful furrow
The humble priest offering holy rites
The parish tipstaff on his daily beat
The scrivener with his busy abacus
The chemist with his pots and potions and pills
The healer, whose pallid patients are her prayers
The artist, whose lines and colors delight
The barrister, pleading for true justice
The magister lettering inattentive youths
The woman whose shop displays good, homely needs
The sick man on his penitential bed
The young recruit on obscure weary watch
The wretched beggar who gives holy blessings
For these a Cincinnatus offered all
Repute, honor, perhaps his very life
And when, withered with age and cares of rule
Painfully unsure of step and sight and self
He wisely, humbly left the robes of office
In prayerful trust to the Will of God
And wearily wended to the Altar of beginnings
To give himself and his last days to us
Still serving, bidding for us with priestly heart
Let none he faithfully serves question his prayers
Or mock him with idle speculations
For flattering courtiers are as common as smiles
Painted upon false lips, hiding false desirings
And leaders arise from time to time to draft
Houris to their beds and youths to their deaths
And, too, the successors of Simon Magus
Pirouetting in their temples to self
-
But Cincinnatus – O happy Cincinnatus
Whose memory is incense in the night
Or a candle in the holy darkness:
His Tenebrae is our continued blessing
Great post Richard. I really like cheese, but not the sort that tastes like soap, nor the bland,tasteless variety. Give me EF (extraordinary flavour) every time.
ReplyDeleteHilarious Richard :-)
ReplyDelete