Having something of a problem with vermin such as foxes, stoats, weasels,
Not just any old common or garden plastic frog but one that incorporates a motion sensor so that, if a warm blooded being passes in front of it....it croaks, loudly and scares the living daylights out of the potential predator.
Sadly, not being a classicist, it makes a "Ribit-ribit" sound rather than a "Koax-koax" one but, as Deng Xiaoping once said: "I don't care if it's a white cat or a black cat as long as it catches mice" - are you still with me on this trot through the animal kingdom?
So now, I have invested in a few of these frogs, guard frogs, really (ugh!) and dotted them around the orchard so that any unsuspecting carnivore will get the shock of its life and skedaddle for good.
Sadly, the signs are (don't ask) that the vermin are still around - but one of the frogs certainly gave Mrs Linen the fright of her life as she was strolling through the garden.
Note to self: 'Speak to wife more often'.
It did strike me, however, that it would be a wondrous thing if we had some sort of inbuilt sensor that would emit a loud "ribit" just as we were about to commit a sin.
Just as you reach for that extra Krispy Kreme doughnut - "RIBIT" - just one more tot before bed? "RIBIT" - about to poke fun at one of those charismaticky Catholics and double "RIBIT".
In fact, it's such a sound idea that I'm surprised that the CDF hasn't commissioned some implant research so that we could all have one.
Imagine, the confessionals would be empty (except that they're already empty), purgatory would become a distant memory (it's already a distant memory as far as Catholic education is concerned) and sin would be a thing of the past.
Ooops! Sorry, forgot that sin is already a thing of the past!
Forget it. Who needs reminding about sin anyway? "RIBIT"
Richard, I am shocked. Of course there are still sins, and deadly sins too. Are you forgetting:
ReplyDelete1 Describing oneself as "Catholic", not "Catholic Christian" or Christian
2 Triumphalism
3 Ultramontanism
4 Devotion and prayer to "Saints"
5 Belief in Transubstaniation and the real efficacy of the Sacraments
6 Belief in the Four Last Things
7 Intolerance, including failure to fully respect diverse opinions and those who hold them
8 Failure to embrace Deep Ecology
????????
ReplyDeleteChris - hah! You are, as always, completely right. All of those should carry a triple Ribit!
Are you serious? Do you know how loud the world would get with all that ribiting going on 24-7! Maybe it would be better if it whispered something like "you'd look so thin if you didn't sin" LOL
ReplyDeleteBut such a thing already does exist! It is called a conscience!! It does not merely make a noise but instead creates a range of profound feelings: remorse, sadness, desire to do better and most profound GUILT. However, just as your woodland friends will gradually become indifferent to your frogs, so we can become indifferent to our consciences unless that is we service them regularly and this is why the sacrament of confession is so important. The conscience needs to be calibrated periodically so that the signals it send continue to be effective. Your frog croaks at mice as well as foxes or bears or tigers! Your conscience sends signals that are calibrated: gentle warnings when we are late in saying our morning prayers; full blown sirens, prostration and loss of function if we kill the Parish Priest no matter what the provocation. And even better we don't need to hide our conscience in the long grass or worry about changing the batteries as it is something that with care will last a lifetime.
ReplyDeleteRichard,
ReplyDeleteI mentioned your brick by brick approach, etc. on Father Finnigan's (Valle Adurni) blog. I hope my comments will not elicit a 'ribit', and i hope that i have not put words in your mouth.
Mark
ReplyDeleteKathy I like the whisper approach, but I think that for me, a shout would be necessary. Omphalomancer - I avoided the conscience bit because we no longer have them, at least, informed ones. Malvenu- thank you for that, it is vague but becoming clearer, more on that shortly.
A Jack Russell dog would be the answer to your vermin Richard.Brilliant at sniffing out unwelcome visitors!
ReplyDeleteWhat makes me think that that suggestion would not sit well with you haha!
ReplyDeleteACCH, I do like JRs but am really a whippet man (no flat cap though). But you are right, when our dog was alive we had no vermin problems. God bless.