Well my child, I, um....I err.......prevaricated. That's it, I prevaricated!
In fact, I even got a medal for prevarication. You see when the changes began I decided that I should go along with all that was proposed, I was even one of the few who ripped out some beautiful old wooden communion rails in an undercover operation.
And then, after the first year or two I really got stuck in and stormed my parish church in an attempt to remove this bulky old marble altar.
Along with a few other brave lads we managed to establish a foothold on the sanctuary where we placed this very plain wooden table affair in place of the old altar.
Cor lummy, did we take some flak over that!
I think it's fair to say that when I was made up to lay reader, I felt that it was no more than my due and that really signalled our assault on the liturgy itself when we attacked Gregorian Chant and replaced it with some really crappy secular stuff........that showed 'em who was who.
I have to be honest and say that, at first, we had things easy, nothing could withstand our forces but then the civvy population began to catch on and then we had snipers and rockets coming at us from all directions.
But we gave as good as we got and before long I was made up to special forces....yes, I became a Special Eucharistic Minister.
Of course, I couldn't tell you kids what was going on - all top secret stuff you understand? Me and your mother managed to keep all of that nasty hermeneutic of continuity stuff well away from you.
You've got a lot to thank my generation for; keeping schtum about the richness of the Latin Mass, making sure you never laid eyes on a catechism, keeping all the essential truths from you.
Blinding you to the fact that, without the true teachings of the Faith you could well end up in H**** (we don't use that word compris?).
I pride myself on being the main one in our household to forbid the 'sin' word.
After the Great Apostasy I felt that we should be more tolerant so anything remotely resembling sin was banned and we began to put our lives back in order and living comfortably alongside Abortion, Contraception, IVF, Euthanasia, Homosexuality and all our other new allies.
It was me who told you that it was OK to miss Mass on Sundays and that, in no way was it a mortal sin to do so, or that, in all probability it would condemn you to
hell that place.
And you can also thank me for telling you that it was OK for you to shack up with your boyfriend and live as man and wife. After all, it's love really and that is what being a Catholic is all about. Love.
As long as you love things nothing else matters; there, that's my word on the matter, pass me my old magazine will you?......that's it, The Tablet, the best bit of propaganda we had in those dark days in the benches.