|"Latin Mass at Llandovery next Sunday d'accord?"|
No, not the Church, I mean the church, the Church of Our Lady in the Welsh town of Llandovery where a seagull flying overhead is a cause for intense discussion and debate.
It is a quiet town, quite pleasing in aspect, and - it's next door to the village of Llangadog, the village of three stunning pubs all within a few feet of each other.
But it's not the pubs (no, really) it is the beautiful little church that has no parish priest and is served from its larger neighbours of Llandeilo and, somewhere else (memory is getting embarrassing).
This church has no Sunday Mass. Hmm.......my brain went into second gear when I heard that fact.
No priest, no Sunday Mass - it's ripe for a take-over.
Let's do it! St Nicolas-du-Chardonnay style.
Do you remember 1977? No? Never mind, stick with me.
That was the year that a group of French Catholic families, thoroughly fed up with the liturgical bilge that was pushed in their direction, rebelled. Yes, rebelled.
They chose a church in the centre of Gay Paree (well, just Paris really, most of it is gay these days). And they stormed it, turfing out the clerical occupants and barricading the doors.
Of course they were well stocked up with all edible things French (in France, the maxim is, if it moves eat it and, even if it doesn't move, still eat it).
So they had stocks of pate, baguettes by the ton and plenty of bottles of....Chardonnay of course! Voila!
They stayed in the church for about six weeks until the secular authorities (who have jurisdiction over church property in France), caved in and granted the church of St Nicolas to the then legit SSPX.
It remains today, an absolute bastion of Catholicism, beautiful and untouched by moronic modernist hands.
But, back to Llandovery. Could we, I wonder, recreate the actions of the Catholic French and take over this gem of a church and reserve it only for the Tridentine Latin Mass?
We would need a stock of provisions, some traditional Welsh fare, Caerphilly cheese, laverbread, salt marsh lamb and.....some curry sauce and chips! All along with a few barrels of good Welsh ale.
The forces of darkness could not compete against folk who had such stout reserves.
And then...we would await word from the Bishop. Maybe a letter stuck in the cleft of a stick and pronouncing:
" With the authority granted to me by our Holy Father, Pope Benedict XVI, I hereby grant the Latin Mass lovers of Menevia, full use of the Church of Our Lady, Llandovery for the celebration of the Mass in the Extraordinary Form in perpetuity and furthermore state that no OF Mass of any kind, whether celebrated by clown priests, or accompanied by leotard clad maidens, shall ever take place in this holy House of God"
That would indeed be a case for a "huzzah" in fact, quite a few "huzzahs".
NB: A friend has kindly pointed out that the Paris Church is that of St Nicolas-du-Chardonnet...not Chardonnay.- I did, of course, just take a little poetic licence (ahem, and a few yellow pills).