"So you want to become a priest?"





Is this the first question the would-be seminarian hears when he attends the initial interview with his Bishop (prior to the water boarding interrogation by the Director of Vocations).

How should one behave at such an awe inspiring session with that most jovial of men, the Bish?

Here are a few notes that will aid the applicant and ensure success:

1. Enter the room confidently and take the Bishop's hand firmly before kneeling and kissing his ring.

2. Before the interview commences ask if His Lordship would join you in praying for a while in silence.

3. Make certain that your Latin Mass Society membership card is discreetly poking out of your breast pocket, also, hold your Rosary in one hand.

4. Answer the following questions as follows:

4a. Q. "Are you or have you at any time been a student of Latin?
 A. "Quisnam mihi?"

4b. Q. "Do you believe in de-centralisation of Church authority?"
 A. You must be joking My Lord, placing more control into the hands of the Bishops? You're having a laugh aren't you?

4c. Q. "How would you comment on The Tablet's current editorial?"
 A. You are a one Bishop, now I know you're having a laugh"

4d. Q. "So you want to dedicate your life to supporting and counselling your parishioners always guided by your parish council?
A. "No, I just want to save souls My Lord"

4e. Q. "Sum up, briefly, in three words,  the message that the Church should be making to the world"
 A. "Pray, Repent and do Penance"

4f. Q. "But that's five words you right wing conservative reactionary"
 A. "OK but who's counting fatty?"

4g. Q. "Listen you  pious little swine, give me one good reason why I should approve of your lacy cotta, incense smoke induced hallucinations?"
A. "Because I believe that God is calling me to be a priest My Lord"

4h. Q. "That's enough you Latinist scumbag, get outta here before I release the Diocesan Dobermanns"
 A."I'm going but could you direct me to the nearest FSSP or ICKSP Mass centre?"

(Bishop faints at this stage and has to be revived by his secretary flapping an old copy of The Tablet under his nose - at last, a use for this mag!)

There are old Catholics and there are bold Catholics......

......but there are no old, bold Catholics.

I'm sorry to snaffle the old aviation joke but it rings true for the state of the Catholic laity today.

A phenomonen occurred in the wake of Vatican II; seemingly orthodox and conservative Catholics became, within ten years, rabid left wing liberals.

They embraced the new religion much as, in Reformation times, the population embraced Protestantism.

The mantra went up a la Animal Farm, 'New good, old bad' and that has now become so embedded in the liberal psyche that many modern Catholics will challenge the Holy Father and Church Doctrine on all matters that, fifty years ago, would have been obediently accepted.

Old Catholics at Mass

Two comments that I have heard in the past couple of years from liberal Catholics;

"I don't like the Pope"  and, "The Pope's an idiot"

Both are unacceptable and the latter is most certainly untrue. But what is it that provokes such antipathy?

We could now debate the decline in moral values and increase of relativism but that is not really my point. The fact is that those who stand up for the Faith today are not the children of the sixties but the new generation; children of the 80s and 90s.

Modern Catholics at Mass

(Latin Mass Society picture)

Look at the increase in home schooling and then look at the average home schooling family; young, traditional and loyal to the magisterium.

Look at the 70 and 80 year old liberals and you see bitterness, regret, paranoia and the sins of Adam and Eve reflected in their faces; pride, envy and jealousy of God. All are gateways to disobedience.

And, most poignant of all, it is those who follow the liberal theology who are now classed as old fashioned and outdated.

Dancing on the sanctuary, standing to receive in the hand, obliteration of the Sacrament of Confession, chattering in Church, extraordinary ministers - all look as topical as flared trousers and men's ponytails.

Reverence, humility, obedience and the old rite of Mass are all cutting edge.